Forgiveness, is more than saying sorry…

"LEO. (July 22 – Aug. 21): You’re too forgiving of someone who doesn’t deserve it and too critical of someone who does. It’s high time that you reverse the equation."

I asked Trish who I wasn’t forgiving and she said…"yourself".

"Oh." Was my intelligent reply.

I suppose yes.

Chatty Cathy clip your string…

I figured that if the roiling river of drivel was there to flow, I might as well post and cleanse the palate after the last one.

I think I’m either a hoarder or flashing back to being a settler in the woods with very little food surrounded by hungry bears and possibly zombies.
I have this weird thing about having enough food on hand for… whatever.
Emergencies would actually require a different set of foods (easily cooked, pre-cooked, etc) so it really isn’t the emergency thing. Zombie attacks would require more ammo than I care to keep on hand. Though actually now that I think about it, I think I was traumatized by a few episodes of “Gordon Elliott’s Door Knock Dinners” where some famous chef and Gordon Elliot shows up on your doorstep and want to make dinner out of what you have on hand.
If you look at the stuff I have in my wee pantry (1920’s kitchen-long tall cabinet) then you see a few luscious goodies from Trader Joe’s (though I’m trying to avoid canned things now, so the items will have to be different.)

I also have a freezer now, a birthday present from a few years ago, and boy howdee that made me happy to have all that freezer space. (Fine, I’m weird. 7 pounds of unsalted butter makes me squee.)

(Actually I had my own version of Door Knock Dinners happen and happily I had several NOMmy things on hand that pleased the chef… namely a sweet corn and crab souffle). So, aside from the ongoing mess, the fact that I haven’t showered today and that I am wearing a 2 yard piece of polarfleece sarong-style to keep warm, I’m ready.
Bring it Gordon.

I had a nice solstice and xmoose thankyouverymuch. The rules for solo holidays vary from the group holiday.
When you are visiting family, all the old rules apply:
1. You have to wait until the designated hour to open your prezzies.
2. Special jammies MUST be procured (I still adhere to this even in solo conditions.)
3. All regular holiday traditional meals must be acknowledged, or eaten.

But since I have been solo on most holidays lately (not a big deal, I like to mix it up) I have been applying those rules:
1. OPEN PREZZIES AS SOON AS THEY HIT THE DOORSTEP (Don’t hurt the UPS dude, he’s just the messenger)
2. Special jammies MUST be worn (they can be ratty as hell and not fit for public as long as they are comfy)
3. Eat special holiday food whenever and in however many quantities you wish. For example: if the special spaghetti sauce that is normally reserved for xmoose eve can be eaten for 3 days straight (minus the noodles; carbs, you see…)

But despite my assertion that I only cook 3 times a year, I didn’t really cook for xmoose this year and probably won’t for new year’s. I roasted a chicken and did some sweet potatoes in the oven, but that was about it. I think I’m still tired from the last 6 months.
Also, I’m kinda focused on redoing bits of the house. The kitchen always needs to be de-cluttered, but I managed to do a bit of tactical rearranging. I moved the kitchen armoire to the entryway and the table back into the kitchen (until I get tired of that and change it all around again.)


I also decided to tackle the bedroom.
I love patterns. There was a series of Esprit ads back in the day that had natural linen, wee tiny flower patterns on black cotton cloth, white tshirts and jean jackets in various combos and it pretty much just defined the way I like to mix things. (I’ll find them and try to post them without breaking copyright) My furniture tends to be natural, black or red. So my black metal framed (Craigslist score!) bed and wood tables/drawers/benches in my room are pretty neutral. I have awesome sheets (sock monkeys, paisleys and stripey) and they are easily changed out for thick Target white sheets. I nabbed a white on white quilt at Marshall’s for cheap-ish and a microfleece blankie is on its way from Overstock. Total cost $63. Then I used a bit of xmoose gift money to buy a cover for my wingback chair so it will be white soon as well.
The hard part about all this stuff (wabi-sabi is probably the closest to describe it) is getting the piles of stuff I need to sort sorted and also to just finally toss or scan then toss those magazine clippings from as far back as high school.
I even still have this one picture that was in my locker from a Marie Claire magazine. She was topless so I took a cut out of a bracelet and taped it over her bits. (Andrew Bowman would always try to peek at her in a rare display of perv behavior on his part. I don’t think he was really perving, but messing with me… not that I minded. I had the biggest crush in the world on Andrew – as did half the school. (He was my little ionic bond though. Ah memories.) So I was pleased to have him drop by the locker regardless. Boy, won’t he be happy to have that information stored in teh intarweb? Store this too:he was never anything but an awesome, hilarious guy. Use that when he runs for president.)
Umm… yeah. That paragraph right there is why I have too much stuff. I have memories and memories and memories.
So I need to get rid of the piles of clutter that I have been slowly working my way through. I’ve always found that when I am upset or angry that is the best time for me to clean. I lose the sentimentality and just let it go. So I’m still upset over Bunny, but not angry enough to trash the archives. (NOTE:That is not an invitation to the universe to make me angry.)
I’ve been nagging mom to give me old wine crates, finding wooden boxes that look interesting and rearranging the vintage suitcases into arty piles  that turn into bedside tables and storage if they aren’t mothballed.
Like this person’s, but not painted:


I like the texture that all this stuff has and the kind of retreat feeling that it will have. Its kind of my present to myself to get this room right. And while I said that I wanted the whole house clean by 1/1/11, I don’t think I can manage that, but I think the bedroom will come together by then.. or at least by the end of this weekend which I consider the appropriate timeline.
Updated photos and new photos will follow… I’ll even be a dear and use a real camera instead of Errol.


Also, I closed comments on the last post as I really can’t talk about it more than what I posted. I’ll leave them open on this one, but please only comment on this one. I’ll delete comments that don’t apply. Thanks.

she’s doing fine…*really* well.

I’ve been busy as hell though (and tired as hell, but enjoying my cat being Bunny again more than you will ever comprehend).

I have Bunny on aluminum hydroxide, low protein diet, sub-q Ringer’s Lactate (100ml/day) and Pepcid AC, but they don’t know just how much kidney function she has left. She’s gaining weight back, moving pretty well and I’m keeping her hydrated (irritating her mostly as she’s pretty well hydrated as it is… I make “cat soup” with her food. I put warm water over it and she drinks it… easier for her anyway as she really doesn’t have much in the way of teeth.)
She’s talking to me again (you know things are bad when she actually meows) and snuggling a bit with me in the mornings. Also she is coming out to sit with me when I am at my desk.
All those things much more normal than before.
The numbers are back from her follow-up visit (vet called me the other day) and her renal numbers are MUCH improved-no backsliding at all. He said that usually after that much artificial support at the hospital you see a bit when you get onto home care… not the bun (but alas, renal failure didn’t just go away. dammit) but she is very anemic which is a side effect of the kidney decline. May have to start giving her shots for the hematopoietin that she isn’t generating enough of…
She’s way more herself, but I see the anemia manifesting as lots of sleep (even for a cat) well, maybe not more sleep; but deeper sleep. I get to watch her dream.
That in itself is charming and gut wrenching at the same time.
(Though the vet seemed happy she was dreaming and sleeping well.)
Her appetite is fabu (still eating a full can of cat food a day (mostly the renal failure diet, but I’m splitting it to 75/25 with Turducken/Grammy’s Pot Pie so she can rebuild muscle with actual protein and maybe get in a little red blood cell action).

Anyhoo, not that I count, but I haven’t cried in 4 whole days (yay me.)
The house is a mess, but I don’t feel like setting it all on fire anymore. Mostly am just reorganizing and throwing out old things (not into the landfill either). I actually did some things on my to do list (which was turning into a wishlist) instead of laying on the bed staring at her or just sleeping near her the whole weekend.

In other news, I will be trying my hand at cassoulet this coming weekend. Because I haven’t been able to get to the grocery store for weeks now, my fridge is bare (save for cat food) and I think I’m craving proteins.
I’ll blog it, natch.
G’night posterity.
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Its in French!

Scam Alert

Je vous prie de bien vouloir m’excuser pour cette intrusion qui peut paraître surprenante à première vue d’autant qu’il n’existe aucune relation entre nous.
Je voudrais avec votre accord vous présenter ma situation et vous proposer une affaire qui pourrait vous intéresser.

Je me nomme Mlle.KONE FANTA j’ai 22 ans et la seule fille de mon Père Honorable KONE SYLA, qui était un homme très riche, négociant de Café/Cacao basé à Abidjan la Capitale Economique de la Côte d’Ivoire, empoisonné récemment par ses associés Après la mort de ma mère le 21 Octobre 2000, mon père m’as pris spécialement avec lui.

Le 24 Décembre 2003 est survenu le décès de mon père dans une clinique privée (PISAM) à Abidjan.

Avant sa mort, secrètement, il m’a dit qu’il a déposé une somme d’un montant de (850.000 euros) Huit Cent cinquante Mille euros dans un compte bloqué dans une banque de la côte d’ivoire le but dêtre transferé en mon nom comme héritiere.

Il me recommande aussi de chercher un associé étranger qui pourrait honnêtement me faire bénéficier de son assistance pour sauver ma vie et assurer mon existence.

– faire une demande de transfert de mon compte bloqué sur son compte et servir de gardien.
D’ailleurs, je vous donnerai 25 % et 5% serviront aux dépenses éventuelles qui seront effectuées.

Je vous serai reconnaissante de pouvoir bénéficier de vos conseils utiles .

NB : Je vous recommande de traiter cette affaire avec subtilités et confidentialité vu la dégradation de la situation socio politique dans laquelle nous vivons présentement.

Que Dieu vous bénisse
Mlle.kone fanta

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