There’s a point where my need for change gets overwhelmed and where I have to sort of go with the flow to cope with the volume of it all.
I’m the first one to change things up when necessary. For instance, the night Tex died, I sat up with him all night waiting for the hospice nurse to come over and pronounce him and then the mortuary people to come take him away from me. I did some damage to my credit cards on the internet during those hours to change up the sitting room to make it another place rather than the place that Tex was not.
Also, I knew driving VWanda, Tex’s beetle, was a limited time offer from the universe because I am not allowed to drive anything (on a permanent basis) but a Honda without it exploding, melting or other unpleasant car-type maladies happening (I’m ok with that actually), so fairly recently I kicked off a search through my bank’s car service for a used Honda Fit in blue raspberry pearl or orange, with a stick. These are hard to find, but then again, I’m kind of a pain in the ass and this is just par for the course.
It took them about a month or so to find it and it was new, not used. This didn’t totally sit within my change meter, so I got a little paralyzed with indecision (also the last couple of weeks were shocking so I was in a bit of a fog) and I knew that if I balked it would all fall apart like a house of cards. So I just kept saying yes to the things that arrived from the universe and now I have a new car.
I dealt with the guilt of selling Tex’s beloved VWanda by decommissioning her in my head as "VWanda" and just considering her "black beetle with resale value" and also that Tex wanted me to get a Fit for years and this was his way of helping me pay for it. In fact he was the one that said get a new one loaded since I would be driving it for another 15 years like I have done with Beast.
I didn’t get the loaded one, the base model was quite tidily tricked out and I can add the one thing it didn’t have that I really wanted by ordering it from teh intarweb.
I’d been saving for this car since I paid off Beast years and years ago. I just put what my car payment was in savings and just kept going from there. Frankly, the new model with my intarweb discount was less than the used ones I had balked at buying for the last year anyway. (Remind me of this fact when I have to pay new car registration fees in California next May.)
Speaking of May, good riddance.
Let’s hope June isn’t so traumatic. Nobody die please. I grow weary of being shocked and terribly sad.
Anyway, am just going with the flow right now and trying to keep my head above water. We’ll see how that works out.