Deedle-dee dooooo…


Although you don't have to put your feelings out in the open today, you may go through an existential meltdown as your emotions pull you into the shadows. You are someone who is accustomed to the light, so it's challenging for you to get a clear perspective on what's happening now. For the moment, don't worry about where you are and forget about reaching any goals. It's more important to focus on the intensity of your current feelings and to process them in real time.

I'm sort of in the shadows today. For the last several days actually.
I'm combating it the chemical way (proper nutrition, walking endorphins…what did you think I meant?) and it just seems to get more polyphonic as I go along. Usually, I'll puzzle over why I am wonky then think "Oh, time for PMS?" and then think "Ah yes." and it will subside because I know the reason for it and I can dismiss it.
It isn't working this time.
So, I'll just plow my way through it and see how it goes.

Busy work things going on, in general things are moving along well..(in general but I don't want to discuss specific grievances as it would precipitate a serious change and I can't do that right now.)
I'm learning to knit socks. I'm slow, but game for it. I have about an inch of ribbing done so far, but I don't have lots of time to knit, and since it is a new thing, I can't quite multi-task with it yet. Also, Bunny doesn't seem to like it much when I knit and does her damndest to get where the needles are. Its cute actually and I'm still pleased that she has about 85% more perky days than non-perky days.  We've also managed to stuff her so full of food so that she's gained back about .4 pounds (according to the highly scientific luggage-carrier-holding-up-a-portable-cat-carrier method of weighing. I think part of it is the Pepcid levels I have her on are just a bit higher than I did before..not drastically, but I go through one pill in 3.5 days rather than 4 days. She's not up to 2 doses a day yet; we'll hold that in reserve. But I'm pleased as she was looking just a tad scrawny.) She's happy to eat as well and anyone who knows what that means in cats knows that getting them to eat is half the battle.
Well, we 'll see how she has been doing next MON when I taker her to see her vet.

Small victories here and there, I scored a jacket at Target which I am calling my cotton Buzz Rickson's. Its kind of a mixture between an actual Rickson's (which are supposed to be made of nylon) and Mikey's jacket he got in Italy that I have long threatened to steal from him as it is the perfect weight, softness and color (cotton with some padding and the color of washed out ebony dye). Also a funky teapot (that I also use as a watering can for my indoor plants) to use while sitting out on the veranda (its a big building and I am lucky enough to pretend it is all my own porch ;) ) and drinking my new find:Honeybush tea. Honeybush is an herbal tea (which I normally hate) and has sort of English Breakfast and honey undertones, but has the happy quality of never getting bitter no matter how long you steep it in the pot/cup/thermos-in-your-pack. Numi is the only one I have tried (in teabags from Whole Paycheck) but I'm pondering getting a big bag of loose tea that they have on Amazon [Find it here: ]. I might see if the Numi place (I see the business on the way home) has a store that I can drop by and play around in the teas. Its always nice to find a new drink since I'm so picky and there is such a lot of crap out there.

My new phone (yes, I broke down and got a Centro-and I love it even if Palm as a company is irritating me profoundly) is set up and working well. I waited a month and found it for $100 less than last month when I tried to give Palm my money and Visa tried to scam me.
 I can write long articles, send them places (even if I'm not writing for anyone at this point), I have a Yahtzee knock off that can keep me amused longer than I care to admit and I can list to Audible content (HUGE improvement to the speaker) and music. I'm even surprised that my janky 10 year old astrology program still works.The screen is beautimous, however, now it looks craptacular again since I put one of those screen protectors on it becauseI already scuffed/lightly scratched it with my jangly earrings… sigh.
In short, nifty.
I should get another one (if the price drops again) to stockpile my PalmOS fix for several years (though one hopes that Apple with recover from its cranio-rectal inversion (case in point:2 *years* to get copy/paste* WTF? and still no BT  keyboard support.) or even that Android will bust out with a BT driver for keyboards (hooray for async!) and provide me with a portable solution for my geek requirements.

And curiously, after successfully ignoring the fuck out of it for MONTHS, my subconscious is poking me with "when Bunny goes away" scenarios.
I don't know if I am responding to cues from her or if it is irrational fear, maybe even that I am still somewhat startled that she is still plugging along after 15 months with no drastic change to her meds/routine and I'm worried my luck will run out.
I don't know.
Whatever it is, I try REALLY hard not to dwell on this thing (Be here now, yadda yadda yadda) so this surfacing of…mental bullshit, for lack of a better phrase, is pissing me off and probably part of this ongoing crap filtering through my psyche.
For now knitting is making me happy, I distract myself with too much work and Bunny care and I'm probably doing a bit more retail therapy than I should (i.e. any at all) but I'm weaning myself off that as I go along.
I will muddle through, comme toujours.


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