Train(wrecks) of thought

Bitter vs. Angry.
Yes my former marriage was a piece of crap.
Its over now, but when I express displeasure about it some people glom onto descriptors that are standard phrases and use them without even a thought (Mercury in Virgo manifesting here. One of my pet peeves is careless word use. Le mot juste is necessary.)  Correct me if I am wrong but being bitter about it would mean that I hate all men and wouldn't be able to get past the Y chromosome, right?
I don't hate men, but I am certainly angry at my ex for claiming how much he loved me and that he was doing all of this for me… (I don't know what he was talking about. Was sitting on his arse 24/7 unemployed in a filthy house all for me? I don't get it.)  And one other thing about that, I won't forgive him for that, nor will I let myself be put into that position again.
So am I bitter because I won't repeat past mistakes? Do I have to be a doormat to shake off the bitter label?
I'm angry at him. I won't forgive him (and I have a long memory for tort). I won't let myself be abused like that again and it is over. I'm not bitter, I'm just not willing to allow people to trample me so that I won't be called bitter.

I actually  used to do this and I'm trying for that happy medium.
About a million years ago someone told me I was selfish because I wouldn't let my stupid boy cousin (we were 4 he was stupid then) play with my *just un-wrapped* xmoose toy. I didn't want to give it to him because he had already trashed his *just un-wrapped* xmoose toy.
Petty? Possibly, I was 4-ish, but I do recall going overboard trying not to be selfish about things after it was mentioned.
I'm not about to do the same thing now, but the "bitter" label bugs me. Though I'll freely admit to being a bitch about not wanting to be taken advantage of… (even though a man would be called "strong" or "wiser" in the same position. Fucking gender issues.)

I do own some. I rarely wear them though as
1) I always end up crawling around on the ground when I wear them (strange universal coincidences)
2) my legs look like sausages right now because I haven't been walking enough yet again… so I look like Lunch Lady Doris when I wear a skirt..
In fact I bought 3 skirts the other day at Ross to help me get ready for a quick trip later next month, but I will be returning one since I found an even better replacement for it at Target (that one is technically a dress, but I I will wear it as a longer skirt and skip the top part of it. It wouldn't survive my boobs anyway. That is kind of a piss poor description of it, but I don't feel like typing it out.)
I also don't totally understand the appeal of skirts (from a wearer's POV). Gusts of wind zip up there and freeze the bits not meant to be frozen. Summer I can understand, but there isn't much summer to be had here…
But I seem to sort like them anyway even though I don't quite understand why and don't wear them much…I think I just like fabric.

I started weaning myself off of the carbs aweek or so ago and the junk that I used as a crutch lo these last many months to get through bullshit… and while Tex can go cold turkey and hit 0g carbs per day without losing his mind, I cannot. But I'm finally to the point that I am past the insanity cravings, so I can get through the day without my brain (irrationally) demand chocolate cake… and even past the point where it sounds much like something I really want to eat.
Went to Kabul (Afghan food) last night with my cousin and I had lamb kabobs that were HEAVEN. I got home and Tex said he could smell the garlic from across the bay.. it was that good, but I can't afford to eat that way all the time. I'd be broke and Bunny is the only one allowed to eat the really expensive food right now (irony alert: its her LOW protein food that costs the most…) and getting back into walking and weaning myself off of the vacation I took from eating properly for my system leads into the next topic…

Walking the Cotswolds Way
100 miles in England…
They say allow 8 days for it… no clue how long it will take on my stumpy legs though my step-mama mentioned that she did the Cotswolds Way in a limo.. I'll hold that in reserve if I find I am lagging behind. :)
But seriously, comparative luxury, dude.
3-7 miles in the morning, then lunch, 3-7 miles in the afternoon, dinner and staying IN A BED and having a SHOWER every day… not to mention coffee with actual cream in the morning?
The AT might not get me back.
Of course this can't happen until Bunny doesn't need me anymore-that's a given…but I'll keep  pondering the logistics of this one.

L'enfer; c'est les autres.

A bientot mes amis.


One thought on “Train(wrecks) of thought

  1. Translations, sol boys plaid (heh, just noticed the word substitutions from my iPod, cute. Will leave them, meant it to be the French for ‘if you please’). and perhaps not bitter, but certainly wiser. You could say, been there, done that, paid for the t-shirt, but didn’t get custody. mly

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