J’avais mal a la tete et aussi, je vais tricoter un pull.
(Translation:I had a headache and also, I am going to knit a sweater)
Thursday was shaded by a brutal headache. It wasn't a migraine, I haven't had one of those in quite a while (thank goddess) it felt more like sinus… you know, where that boa constrictor wraps around your neck, slithers up the back of your head (constricting all the while) and then peeks over to try to suck the eyeballs out of your head. Yeah, I thought you'd be familiar with that.So, I worked my way home through Oakland traffic, fed Bunny, ate 7 M&M's (no medicinal purpose, just yum) and 4 Tylenol then stayed in bed until it was time to feed Bunny again and do Bunny chores, then went to sleep dreaming about packing.
Woke up (by Bunny, natch…) at 5am feeling INFINITELY better this morning … and saw a Tweet by @languid saying "RAWR friday. bring it."
Indeed.
Today I was feeling kinda French (last night as a was falling asleep again I caught myself translating an imaginary conversation into French discussing a sweater that I am in the process of making (assuming I will get it done) from swatches that I will be sewing/piecing together.) and trying to remember if I actually know some of the words for the concepts that I am getting across. Tricoter=to knit, but I don't know the actual words for the accoutrements of knitting, needles, swatches, what have you. Looks like its time to bust out the dictionary and put it into my overburdened bag for reference…. though I think I have a translator module for my Treo (note to self: where the hell is it?) For all you yarnatics I'll be using Caron Country in charcoal, black, spice house and claret…my colors effectively. )…
Umm…so anyway, I was feeling French so today I wore a blue scarf from Tarzhay jauntily draped around my neck over a white hoodie sweater and jeans.I really miss Paris, but I don't know if I'd want to live there forever like I used to… I think a 3-6 month stint might be good, though.
Mmmm… baguettes, pain au chocolat, sandwich du jambon avec beurre, crepes aves Nutella, peches blanches, tomates vinaigretes, poulet roti, cafe creme, brie from street markets..
OMG. Paris is one big foodgasm. Bunny news: She is holding steady, talking, purring, walking all over me, etc.
I haven't weighed her lately, but she isn't feeling as bony as she was a bit ago. She's still eating well, not starving, so she doesn't run around in anticipation of the food anymore (but I can't figure out if she just knows she's going to be fed a lot and often and she's calmer, or just more tired due to a few less red blood cells.) but her appetite is still good and I don't have to resort to trickery to get her to eat.
Also, she is doing well with every other day doses of Pepcid… that's what the vet originally prescribed, but it was clear she needed more. Seems having a little protein helps a bit in that regard even if it is contraindicated for the kidneys. Frankly, the protein (about a 1/2 can a week of Merrick Turducken) helps 3 things at once vs. being bad for 1 thing, so we'll do it now, when that one thing outweighs the three, we'll re-evaluate the situation. Anyhoo, the birthday card arrivals have officially started.
I am disturbed that they have actual cards for 40. (though my mercenary little heart loves the checks that show up in those cards…right into the Roth IRA. Schweet.)
I did take the day off next Friday (Oh I seriously need a day off at this point) and mom is coming over to go walk the Hayward trail with me (at least 3 miles of it, the whole 7 miles if the weather isn't evil hot.) also, I'm HOPING that I get my arse in gear and get my house clean. But don't hold your breath ;)
ghosts and hormones
yegods what a trippy day.
no overt ickiness, but I saw a ghost from the past and all that evil came rushing back into my psyche.
this person was perhaps the most nasty, mean and vicious person I have ever met (no it isn’t my ex). if they drop off the face of the earth and I never hear word or tell of them ever again my life will have improved hundredfold.
seriously.
i don’t know how people can ever be that cruel to another person (not just me, either.) with the specific intent for causing emotional pain and enjoying it.
its like they never made it out of junior high when cruelty was a sport.
gah.
so that colored the day as you might imagine.
in other news, apparently the area/building is having issues with mice and ants.
frankly, things in here have improved, but we have also sonically carpet bombed the house with those sonic repellers, put everything into snapware/mason jars (this makes me giddy! oh the joy! oh my OCD!) and kept things pretty dang clean.
we have been working on it for quite a while.
good to know it has made a difference.
anyhoo, tired.
and a bit out of it now.
Train(wrecks) of thought
Bitter vs. Angry.
Yes my former marriage was a piece of crap.
Its over now, but when I express displeasure about it some people glom onto descriptors that are standard phrases and use them without even a thought (Mercury in Virgo manifesting here. One of my pet peeves is careless word use. Le mot juste is necessary.) Correct me if I am wrong but being bitter about it would mean that I hate all men and wouldn't be able to get past the Y chromosome, right?
I don't hate men, but I am certainly angry at my ex for claiming how much he loved me and that he was doing all of this for me… (I don't know what he was talking about. Was sitting on his arse 24/7 unemployed in a filthy house all for me? I don't get it.) And one other thing about that, I won't forgive him for that, nor will I let myself be put into that position again.
So am I bitter because I won't repeat past mistakes? Do I have to be a doormat to shake off the bitter label?
I'm angry at him. I won't forgive him (and I have a long memory for tort). I won't let myself be abused like that again and it is over. I'm not bitter, I'm just not willing to allow people to trample me so that I won't be called bitter.
I actually used to do this and I'm trying for that happy medium.
About a million years ago someone told me I was selfish because I wouldn't let my stupid boy cousin (we were 4 he was stupid then) play with my *just un-wrapped* xmoose toy. I didn't want to give it to him because he had already trashed his *just un-wrapped* xmoose toy.
Petty? Possibly, I was 4-ish, but I do recall going overboard trying not to be selfish about things after it was mentioned.
I'm not about to do the same thing now, but the "bitter" label bugs me. Though I'll freely admit to being a bitch about not wanting to be taken advantage of… (even though a man would be called "strong" or "wiser" in the same position. Fucking gender issues.)
Rawr.
Skirts
I do own some. I rarely wear them though as
1) I always end up crawling around on the ground when I wear them (strange universal coincidences)
and
2) my legs look like sausages right now because I haven't been walking enough yet again… so I look like Lunch Lady Doris when I wear a skirt..
In fact I bought 3 skirts the other day at Ross to help me get ready for a quick trip later next month, but I will be returning one since I found an even better replacement for it at Target (that one is technically a dress, but I I will wear it as a longer skirt and skip the top part of it. It wouldn't survive my boobs anyway. That is kind of a piss poor description of it, but I don't feel like typing it out.)
I also don't totally understand the appeal of skirts (from a wearer's POV). Gusts of wind zip up there and freeze the bits not meant to be frozen. Summer I can understand, but there isn't much summer to be had here…
But I seem to sort like them anyway even though I don't quite understand why and don't wear them much…I think I just like fabric.
Atkins
I started weaning myself off of the carbs aweek or so ago and the junk that I used as a crutch lo these last many months to get through bullshit… and while Tex can go cold turkey and hit 0g carbs per day without losing his mind, I cannot. But I'm finally to the point that I am past the insanity cravings, so I can get through the day without my brain (irrationally) demand chocolate cake… and even past the point where it sounds much like something I really want to eat.
Went to Kabul (Afghan food) last night with my cousin and I had lamb kabobs that were HEAVEN. I got home and Tex said he could smell the garlic from across the bay.. it was that good, but I can't afford to eat that way all the time. I'd be broke and Bunny is the only one allowed to eat the really expensive food right now (irony alert: its her LOW protein food that costs the most…) and getting back into walking and weaning myself off of the vacation I took from eating properly for my system leads into the next topic…
Walking the Cotswolds Way
100 miles in England…
They say allow 8 days for it… no clue how long it will take on my stumpy legs though my step-mama mentioned that she did the Cotswolds Way in a limo.. I'll hold that in reserve if I find I am lagging behind. :)
But seriously, comparative luxury, dude.
3-7 miles in the morning, then lunch, 3-7 miles in the afternoon, dinner and staying IN A BED and having a SHOWER every day… not to mention coffee with actual cream in the morning?
The AT might not get me back.
Of course this can't happen until Bunny doesn't need me anymore-that's a given…but I'll keep pondering the logistics of this one.
Work
L'enfer; c'est les autres.
A bientot mes amis.
SCAM ALERT: Verified By Visa
Well that was a load of crap.
I tried to buy a new Centro, but I guess Palm is just determined to go out of business by making it as difficult as possible to purchase their products… and you know what? After 12 years of trying to support their efforts I'm inclined to let them.
So, Palm. GFY.
Also, Visa?
After their incessant harping on "SECURITY SECURITY SECURITY" they go and put a "Verified By Visa" in a frame and proceed to ask for part of my social security number to finish my transaction… if I didn't type it in I couldn't place the order. Also, the button said "Sign Up to complete your order"… Sign up for what?
No way.
Several things are wrong with this scenario:
1. Palm.com is stupid enough to allow Visa to put an iframe in a secure checkout transaction
2. Visa asked for part of my SSN. No. Not ever. CVV yes, but SSN no.
3. There was no opt out of whatever the fuck they were trying to screw me out of.
4. THere was no way to finish the transaction without doing this.
I don't know what Visa is up to on this but I can't think it is legal. Nor do I trust anyone stupid enough to put it blindly in their checkout process.
Palm lost me as a customer as did Visa.
I am not at all happy right now and quite frankly, I'm in the mood to raise a big stink and make them wish they never encountered me.
Trust me, I'm good at that.
T minus 28 days
I have several thing on a To Do list before I hit 40. Some of them were a little derailed (well, slowed down) while the stock market tanked. But others are still on track.
My retirement funds are less lovely than they were a year or two ago, but that is a common thing when the country insists on tying their retirements to a bunch of panicky stupid sheep (a.k.a Wall Street) instead of basing them in more reasonable items.
Ah well. Work the system how you can without messing with other folks and we'll come out of this ok.
Some things on my list are on hold for another year; I moved "Keep Bunny alive and happy" up to the top of the list… so far so good. She's doing pretty well, though I think I will take her into the vet a little sooner than originally planned (he said 6 months, I'll do 4.5) as I am nervous that I might miss something and when it comes down to it, she is the one paying the price for any mistakes I make.
Unacceptable, so off to the vet earlier than planned.
The birthday month (two actually, I milk it for the month before and the month after) is in swing. I did get myself a nifty bag…
It can be carried on your back as well as as a standard duffel.
Also, its very cute.
I'm also still searching for my next phone. My poor, beleaguered Treo 650 still does its day to day stuff and travels pretty well, but little things are starting to be flaky on it. I can't search without it restarting (and reinstalling everything didn't fix it). I still need the same functionality that I have had in the Treo for the last 5 years (and which the iPhone still can't replicate) nor will I accept anything with WinMobile on it.
I might just end up with an unlocked Centro and put off the search for another few years. Maybe Apple will extract their heads from the arses by then.
We also managed to finally move the couch into the sitting room. For some reason it feels like it is sitting differently. I probably need to replace the seat cushion or just bolster it up with some cheap-o ones in addition to it. Someday I will get the whole thing (and the ottoman) re-upholstered, but not now.
I need to attack my closet and just be brutal about the stuff that is sitting on the floor. Once the closet is done I think I can get the rest of the house settled in. I'm kind of living around the stuff all over the place that I can't quite put away in the closet as it it stuffed full of the detritus I moved in there to make room for the couch. Since then I have been a slug except for Bunny chores and work/design things. I'm still pooped. Maybe the energy will come back this weekend but since I am re-reading the Sookie Stackhouse novels that I read ages ago (Did you know TrueBlood is based on those? I didn’t. Huh. Well, I do like Stephen Moyer as Bill, but Anna Paquin as Sookie is a bit grating. Also, I have a new adoration for Eric.), I am not really in the mood. . I also need to organize the garage; its currently a big jumble, and put more in the garage sale pile than in the storage pile.
My friend Jennifer is going to teach me how to knit socks sometime soon. I do better with the "people showing me" method, but I'm kind of cringing about some of my bad knitting habits she'll see that I developed as a workaround to my hands being weak from various things. Can't wait though… I have lots of sock ideas.
Mnuh.
I'm really still here. I promise.
The party was great (no, of course, I didn't take any fekkin' photos); my apartment-not so much…still.
Tex's foot went out and in between taking care of him, doing normal Bunny maintenance (not inconsiderable even when she is coasting along well-as she is now) add to that the serious task of cleaning and cleaning out of the apartment and I got bogged down.
If I was still a project manager (which my brain will always try to be) it would be akin to losing half my team on a large project and still trying to make an aggressive deadline… total and abject chaos. But I still managed to get quite a bit done even though it doesn't look like it at all.
The pics I posted earlier are still the most relevant as they are still the only oases of clean in the house.
Tex's foot is *still* kind of out, and I don't want to ruin the progress by making him help, so the house isn't done. The one bad thing about it all is that there is lots of clutter and the mouse in the house (driven out of the kitchen and the kitchen sub-floor that goes into the garages below) has moved into other parts of the house. Not fun.
I think this weekend is designated Costco to pick up another pack of those pest repellers that you plug into the wall *that actually work*… crazy.
Work is 900 miles per hour currently and I'm exhausted all the time now. I had no choice this week but to just sleep when I didn't have required chores to do. Its helping. I'll probably be able to get a few things done SAT (and on that list is to figure out what thing in Beast is causing the Check Engine light to be on…update:I replaced the Mass Air Meter and it turned off while I was driving to work this morning.)
Anyhoo, I think more change is necessary, however I don't know that I will be able to effect that change effectively or in a timely manner…and that you probably should buy stock in a yogurt company because its all I will be eating for a while.
